Being a Drumming Novelist...or a writing drummer:
the DOs & DON’Ts
Back in 2007 when I announced to my co-members of Brighton-based popular music act Fink that I intended to write a novel – possibly novels – you’d have heard the laughter from Eastbourne. “A drummer,” they hooted, “being able to string a sentence together? Balderdash.” But by the time The Alternative Hero was published in 2009, the laughter had dwindled to the occasional snort. I believe this is partly because of a certain set of rules I have (sometimes unwittingly) tried to follow. So now, on the release of my second collection of grammatically functional sentences Death of an Unsigned Band, I present to you the official code of litero-percussive conduct:
DO write about something your bandmates can understand. Both my books thus far have been about music, which is a good start. Use words and phrases like “guitar”, “soundcheck”, “rider beers” and “Transit van”, as opposed to “love”, “girl”, “herbal tea” or – heaven forbid – “washbag”.
DO let them name your characters. Most of the characters in Death of a Unsigned Band were named while hurtling up M1 to a quite good gig in Manchester. Karen is named after our singer’s favourite female rock star, Josh after a total knobhead who our bass player went to school with.
DO let your bass player read an early first draft, but DON’T expect him to say anything more useful than “why are all the characters based on me?” or – “man, are you nuts? An ecstasy pill would never have cost that little in 1990.” After your novel is published, DO expect him to then casually announce to all and sundry, “yeah, I edited it.”
DON’T let your newfound wordiness bog down the inter-band communication. Commands like “get to the point, man!” and “don’t try and befuddle me with your semantic primes and your separable affixes, drummer boy” peppered the weeks that followed my novel’s completion.
DO let your singer be your fashion adviser. In The Alternative Hero the character of Billy Flushing, as he appears in the present, was “dressed” by our very own Mr Greenall. Although the initial clothing description I received would’ve easily outweighed one of the shorter chapters, including a sixty-word exploration of the type of shoelaces he might favour, the end result was that Billy’s combats changed from black to dark green and a chunky necklace switched to a chunky bracelet, which, I’m sure readers will agree, made the novel’s denouement really crackle with additional vibrancy.
DO let your band’s manager find your literary agent. In my case, they were neighbours. Our manager emailed him the book, the agent said yes, the rest is history. The ulterior motive for a manager is that a drummer nailing a healthy book deal will lessen the near-constant badgering about not having enough money, being artistically appreciated and simply having something to do on weeks off.
DON’T show off. To celebrate my book deal, I rather ostentatiously picked up the tab for a boozy afternoon-off in the middle of a tour. When I announced this intention, our singer looked down at his rapidly warming glass of Stella and replied, “I was expecting considerably more than this.” The cheek of it!
DON’T be surprised if your bandmates go, like, totally nuts on your behalf when your book is seen in a shop. Mine spotted The Alternative Hero in übercool LA bookstore Book Soup and their enthusiasm was practically visible from space. I was hiding in a distant corner; they dragged me out to meet the staff and sign a few copies. Bless their cottons.
Tim Thornton is the author of Death of an Unsigned Band and The Alternative Hero.
Please click here to watch videos of the unsigned band being interviewed.